Say something about gay babies.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
