Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MIDGETS
????
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
