Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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