I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
