guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
