I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't shave. On purpose
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
