Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
