I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
