brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
