If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
