You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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