I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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