shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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