Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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