things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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