The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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