dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
