he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my shit smells like andre
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A+ Viking dick
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
