You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
