dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
