I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
