I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
