How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
