You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
