textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
