i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
