my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
