Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
