lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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