So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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