I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
