Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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