How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
