Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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