Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
