youre lurking in front of me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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