i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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