life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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