You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
