just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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