3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
