hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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