I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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