didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
