I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
