i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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