She is in my trunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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