They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
