I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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