i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
