good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
