you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
